This weekend kicks off graduation season with the area’s
first commencement ceremony at Kent-Tuscarawas.
So, it is time once again to welcome all of our graduates to
the real world with some advice from those of us who have been around the block
once or twice.
(OK, full disclosure. This is one of my popular recycled
pieces that I do from time to time.)
Actually, a Chicago Tribune columnist – Wes Smith – started
the tradition back in 1986 with his column full of advice ditties to graduates.
Some of his offerings might seem a little outdated – most of today’s high
school graduates were born in 1994 – but many are still of value.
This year’s grads have never known life without the Internet,
or cell phones, or mp3 files, and they would be hard-pressed to tell you the
last year that the U.S.
was not involved in an armed conflict in another nation.
So, here’s a sampling of Smith’s offerings:
– Never answer an
advertisement seeking a “liberal roommate.” You probably are not that liberal.
– Having a drink out
with the boys every night after work is a bad idea. Notice that the boss
doesn’t do it. That is why he’s the boss and they’re the boys.
– Instead of buying a
new stereo for your car, skip a step. Buy a window sticker that says, “It’s
already been stolen.”
– They aren’t kidding
when they say, “Wash whites separately.”
– Never date a woman
whose father calls her “Princess.” Chances are she believes it.
– Never date a man who
goes shopping with his mother.
– Eat good meals.
Greasy snacks take their toll.
– If you don’t like
your job, quit. Otherwise, shut up.
– If you get invited
to a wedding, send a gift. Otherwise, do not expect a crowd when your turn
comes.
– There is no such
thing as a self-cleaning oven.
– Be nice to ordinary
people. You’re still one of them.
– Never date someone
you work with. Especially the boss.
– At some point in
your life, your family will be all you have. Treat them right.
– Never get married
simply because you think it is time to get married. Get married because you
want to live with someone for the rest of your life, including weekends and
holidays.
– Everyone is lonely
at times. Learning to deal with it is part of growing up.
– The only thing worse
than asking people how much money they make is telling them how much you make.
– Dirty laundry never
goes away.
– Never trust a
landlord to make improvements after you have moved in.
– If you make a mess
of things, admit it.
– Hurry up and learn
patience.
OK, here’s some more advice (that hopefully is up to date) from
a number of sources:
– When you get a job,
keep your mouth shut for a while. Look around, listen and learn. If not, then
the veterans who have been there will regard you as a loudmouth joke.
– Make sure you are
using anti-virus software.
– You probably don’t
need life insurance, but the $4.99 a month for replacement cell phone insurance
is probably worth it – especially if you’re a male.
– Learn in advance the
immediate steps you need to take if you accidentally drop your cell phone into
the toilet.
– Don’t leave college
broke and tired. Save as much money as you possibly can from those part-time
jobs during the college years so you have a little money when it’s time to get
your own place – and stuff for it – after you graduate.
– And when you get
that first job, be frugal. Save money from every paycheck.
– Absolutely take
advantage of an employer’s 401(k) plan, especially if there is a company match.
– Traveling is much
more fun than owning – and paying for – that hot, red convertible.
– Invest in a good
steam iron and learn how to use it.
– If you get a tattoo,
make sure you can hide it when you’re on the job, unless, of course, you’re
lucky enough to own your own business.
– Avoid using the
personal pronoun “I” in conversations. People will like you a lot better if you
ask about them instead.
– If it’s your turn,
by all means buy lunch.
– Never, ever cheat
while playing golf. It says something about your character if you do.
– Don’t be
self-righteous. It’s irritating.
– Don’t try to manage
your staff – if you are lucky enough to have a staff – by email.
– Avoid starting memos
with the degrading “All:”
– Be on time whether
it’s a work commitment or a social engagement. Being continually late is a
character flaw.
– Paying your own way
in life is about as good as it gets. Make sure you get enough education to pull
it off.
– For goodness sakes,
if you don’t smoke, don’t start. Quitting is pure agony.
– Learn how to spell.
It’s not too late.
– Use the English
language when writing essays, memos and letters. Do not use the language
created by cell phone texters.
– Don’t believe anyone
who tells you being in debt is good. It is not.
And here’s one from Michael Pollan, who wrote the book “In
Defense of Food”:
– Eat food. Not too
much. Mostly plants.
Ron Lieber, the New York Times’ financial columnist, borrowed Pollan’s style with this:
– Index (mostly). Save
a ton. Reallocate infrequently.
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