Buffett: Tax me! Tax me!

This commentary also appeared in the Bargain Hunter's Tuscarawas County edition.

Americans’ anti-tax fervor apparently has limits.
Last Monday, Warren Buffett, the world’s third richest person with a net worth of about $50 billion,authored an op-ed piece in the New York Times. He said the government should stop coddling the super-rich and increase the tax rate on their earnings, including his.

Buffett said he pays 17.4 percent in taxes on his salary, while others in his office average 36 percent. It’s not fair, he said.

MSNBC conducted a poll in the aftermath of Buffet’s piece, and the results were somewhat surprising, at least to me.

In a little more than an hour, MSNBC reported, 20,000 people weighed in on the question of whether the super-rich should be taxed more. Ninety-five percent said they should.

One political party in particular is staunchly against increasing anyone’s taxes, including the super-rich (apparently), arguing that the government shouldn’t increase anyone’s taxes in a recession. I guess there’s some truth in that argument.

If the super-rich have to pay more taxes, does that mean they put off super-rich-type purchases of such things like private jets and yachts? Who do you think makes private jets and yachts?

Well, members of the middle class assemble and build jets and yachts. See how this tax thing works?

But no matter – members of the middle class always seem to get the shaft no matter what Congress or, for that matter, rich people, do or don’t do. (Remember George H.W. Bush’s tax on super yachts? The rich quit buying them, throwing middle class people out of work.)

Buffett doesn’t need to pay more taxes. He needs to buy more stuff. I think that’s called Keynesian economics.

***

My colleague, Kyle Kondik, who escaped the daily newspaper business in the nick of time, now does analysis for the Center for Politics at the University of Virginia.

In his latest offering, he recalls George Will’s prediction of just a few months ago:

“I think we know with reasonable certainty that standing up there on the west front of the Capitol on Jan. 20, 2013, will be one of three people: (Barack) Obama, (Tim) Pawlenty and (Mitch) Daniels. I think that’s it.”

Will made that prediction on ABC’s “This Week” program on May 15. Three months later, we can say for near certainty that Will’s prediction is at least two-thirds wrong.

During the height of the last presidential campaign, yours truly predicted Democrat Hillary Clinton would face off against Republican Rudy Giuliani in the November presidential election. You think pundits would learn their lesson and just shy away from early presidential predictions.
Kondik seems to have learned well. But has he really? He ends his analysis of the recent Iowa goings-on with this:
“So as tempting as it is to say that, come Jan. 20, 2013, one of three men – Obama, (Mitt) Romney or (Rick) Perry – will be sworn in at the western front of the Capitol, it might be wise to hold off on that prediction just yet.”
Looks like a prediction, smells like a prediction…
***
If you read my commentary last week at tuscbargainhunter.com or gpubs.com, you would have been treated to a friendly follow-up exchange between me and former Times-Reporter publisher Jim Shrader. I enjoy such “debates” as long as I know the other party.

So much of the online (and telephone call-in) debate these days is nasty and mean-spirited. Teachers and schools seem to be an easy mark. (“What part of ‘no’ doesn’t the school board understand!” is a familiar refrain.)

One community leader said she believed people would be hard-pressed to move to our community if their only exposure was the online vitriol that seems to have overtaken the actual news report and thoughtful opinion.

Fortunately, the Bargain Hunter’s website appears to be free of such hatefulness and negativity. If you’re looking for a kinder, gentler forum, check it out.

***
Dick Farrell is a contributor to the Bargain Hunter. You can access this column at www.gpubs.com. You can read his blog at http://dickfarrell.blogspot.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).

Can anyone out there bring us together?

This commentary also appeared in the Tuscarawas County edition of the Bargain Hunter.

Last week’s commentary on the debt ceiling debacle along with Social Security and Medicare – keeping it intact for guys like me – brought a range of opinions from readers.

And then there was the downgrading of the country’s credit rating from AAA to AA plus.

Some blamed the Tea Party. Others blamed the spenders in Congress from both parties. A liberal blamed conservatives. A conservative blamed liberals.

So, that’s pretty much where we’re at in this country. None of us, it seems, are on the same page. I remember this feeling back in the late ’60s and early ’70s.

Older readers will remember the sign an Ohio girl supposedly held up during a Richard Nixon rally in 1968.

“Bring Us Together Again,” it urged Nixon. He couldn’t (although props to Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter for trying) and arguably an era of good will didn’t return to the country until after the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980.

It seems we’re at a similar point. We need someone to bring us together. I just don’t know who can do it at this point.

***
I was watching a CNN report on the downed helicopter in Afghanistan that took the lives of 30 American soldiers. The anchor was interviewing a grieving wife and mother of two, who obviously was distraught.

“How are the kids doing?” the anchor asked.

For goodness sakes, why do news producers allow their minions to ask such dumb questions?

How are the kids doing?

What possible light can one shed on a story by interviewing someone who’s just lost a loved one? Is anyone enriched by listening to such an interview?

I’m not. Click.

***
According to the Springdale Morning News in northwest Arkansas, a 34-year-old woman was charged with theft after stealing 185 copies of the newspaper outside a grocery store.

Her attorney said she “was just trying to save some money.”

The woman said she is a member of a coupon club and a fan of the “Extreme Couponing” show on television.

The Springdale newspaper is not alone. Other papers across the country are reporting an increase in the theft rate, attributing it to the couponing craze.

As the editor of a daily newspaper, I cringed years ago when I got the first order from a publisher to put an “ear” on the front page of Sunday’s paper, informing readers of the total worth of that particular edition’s coupons. Not only did I think it cheapened the product, but I also thought that the dollar amount was generally misleading because the poor girl who counted up all the coupons included such deals like $250 off a new garage.

(I put the coupon “ear” in the same category as the little folksy greeting on the bottom of the page that thanks a particular reader for subscribing, which is nice as long as that particular subscriber is still alive. Don’t laugh.)

OK, I’ve used coupons. But there are only so many bottles of shampoo that I need in the course of a year. And from what I’ve seen, a lot of manufacturers’ coupons are for new products, which I did very well without before they were launched. So, I think the coupons in the Sunday paper are a nice thing, but I don’t think they trump honest-to-goodness news, opinion and sports as the primary reasons to buy it.

And they’re certainly not worth going to jail for.

***
You also can access this column at www.gpubs.com. You can read his blog at http://dickfarrell.blogspot.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).

From those wonderful folks...

Bulletin: Standard & Poor's lowered the country's credit rating from AAA to AA. Thanks, Congress.

This blog post also appeared in the Tuscarawas County edition of the Bargain Hunter.

Most people really celebrate birthdays that have a zero at the end of them. But the mileposts in our American lives have a lot more crooked numbers.

Sixteen is a big birthday – time to get that driver’s license. Eighteen used to be a bigger one than it is today because 3.2 percent beer is now extinct. Twenty-one remains at the top of the birthday envy heap because alcoholic beverages can be legally, if not intelligently, consumed.

For us baby boomers, 62 is the new 21 because that’s when we can tap into the retirement fund to which we and our employers have been contributing since before the age of 21.

And age 65 is pretty special, too. That’s Medicare time.

So, here’s a message to the wonderful folks who make up the 112th Congress, including those who consider themselves Tea Party members: Don’t be messing with my Social Security or Medicare unless you’re going to make it better.

(A lot of Tea Party members say they don’t care about getting re-elected. Is that a good thing? I’m not sure. Scary.)

I’m tired of hearing every time I turn on the news that Social Security is going to bankrupt the country. I don’t want to hear it. And Medicare? I’m going to need it, hopefully, if I can stay on the vertical side of things for another five or so years.

Here’s what I don’t get.

Congress approves all federal spending, and by law it has to expand its own line of credit – increase the debt ceiling – which it has done routinely for eons. All of sudden, this routine little exercise has turned into panic-inducing disaster because certain members of Congress, along with the president of the United States, want to make the debt ceiling about everything else.

Even the Columbus Dispatch jumped on the debt ceiling debate, calling for massive changes in Social Security and Medicare in an editorial (probably written by a young whippersnapper) published just a few days before the debt ceiling crisis deadline.

Fortunately, Joanne Limbach of New Philadelphia, who is president of the Ohio chapter of AARP, responded quickly with a letter to the editor.
“AARP wants Congress to strengthen Social Security for today’s seniors and future generations, not slash it as part of a deal to raise the nation’s debt ceiling,” she wrote.

“Social Security deserves a separate debate on the many options open to ensure its solvency for those who count on it today and will need it tomorrow.

“Medicare, too, deserves a bigger debate, one that opens discussion about bringing down the cost of health care for all, not just those who rely on Medicare or Medicaid for their health care. The current debate over raising the debt ceiling is no place to make decisions about the future of Social Security and Medicare.”

One of the talking heads on CNN said she knew how to settle the debt ceiling debate and then recited a half-dozen bullet points that she thought all the sides could agree on, although none of the points actually had anything to do with the debt ceiling.

“Amazing,” I thought. “How did she remember all that? How does she know what she’s talking about?”

As of this writing, we’re still waiting on a vote. Word on the street is that there were enough votes to get it done, avoiding an economic Armageddon. (Cue the music from “Jaws.”)

The deal crafted by your 112th Congress calls for raising the debt ceiling in two installments “sufficient tos erve the nation’s needs into 2013,” said Bloomberg News.

“The framework, as detailed by officials in both parties, would cut $917 billion in spending over a decade, raise the debt limit initially by $900 billion and assign a special congressional committee to find another $1.5 trillion in deficit savings by late November, to be enacted by Christmas.”

OK, here’s a warning to Congress: If you substantially mess with my Social Security and Medicare, I’m coming after you. And by the way, I believe in a strong national defense. So, don’t cut there either.

I don’t care about getting re-elected either.

Dick Farrell is a contributor to the Bargain Hunter. You can access this column at www.gpubs.com. You can read his blog at http://dickfarrell.blogspot.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).

Better be prepared for the 'new normal'

Also published in the Tuscarawas County edition of the Bargain Hunter.

Dover City School District asks this question of prospective teachers:

“What do you think the main objectives of education should be in the United States today?”

The district provides about a dozen lines of space on its application for teacher candidates to answer the question. For sure, it’s a good question to ask. Educators need to have some idea of the big picture if they’re going to help provide our students with skill sets that ultimately will provide them some kind of job security in this “new normal” economy.

That “new normal” economy, if you haven’t been paying attention, is shedding jobs as fast as it adds them. And no sector appears to be safe from change. Today’s teenager probably will hold a number of different jobs in his/her lifetime in professions that have yet to be created and needing skills yet to be determined.

The HR Policy Assn., headquartered in Washington, D.C., recently provided an extensive answer to Dover’s question with its 126-page “Blueprint for Jobs in the 21st Century” and I would encourage educators, parents and policy-makers to spend the time reading it.

The HR Policy Assn. describes itself as the lead organization representing chief human resource officers of major employers, representing more than 300 of the largest corporations that employ a total of 10 million people.

Much of the “Blueprint” is focused on the need for our system to do a better job educating students in the areas of science, technology, engineering and math (acronym: STEM). No debate there.

Anecdotally and ironically, the report also underscores Amazon’s Kindle as a metaphor for what is occurring in the “new normal.”

Last week, Borders, the once dominant book seller in the United States, announced that it was closing all stores because it could not emerge from bankruptcy with any viable business plan. And that announcement came on the heels of one from Amazon a few months ago that it was selling more e-books this year than the traditional kind – paper pages between two covers.

“In just a few years, the rise of e-readers has made much of the work traditionally associated with publishing books, newspapers, and magazines obsolete,” says the report.

“The Kindle and other e-readers are replacing book stores, printing presses, and printing companies; all the materials such as ink, paper, fabric, and glue that go into book printing; the trucking companies that transport all of the materials used in the printing process and the final product from that process; and all the workers associated with all the activities of traditional book printing, such as publishing, warehousing, and operating retail stores.”

So, do you think we ought to be teaching kids what you were taught in school? Or should we ramp up the exercise a bit?

***
The Board of Directors of the Muskingum Watershed Conservancy District seemed to surprise at least some of its critics last week when it put the future of the Atwood Lake Resort and Conference Center back on the table.

“You deal with it,” was their message to those who were protesting plans to raze the 104-room lodge that was opened in 1965.

The board indicated that it would be willing to turn the lodge over to the Carroll County commissioners (and/or others) for virtually nothing if they were willing to operate it and assume any debt that would be incurred.

And there’s the kicker. In its official news release issued after last Friday’s meeting, the MWCD offered this:

“Board members have stressed that because of the historical financial losses suffered by the operation of the resort since its opening in 1965, the MWCD will not provide any funding to assist in future operations by any new owner(s).”

So, in other words, if it is so important to the Carroll County economy, perhaps its citizens would go along with their commissioners pumping taxpayer money – millions of dollars – into the place to make it a more attractive destination. Like I said before, maybe it’s worth it to take a hit on revenue if the lodge produces as much or more revenue in other places.

And if none of that works, then the Carroll County commissioners can vote to raze it.

* * *
Follow me on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).

It's the business model, Congressman Gibbs

Originally published in the Bargain Hunter on July 22, 2011.

When I spotted the headline in the news rack, I had one of those you’ve-got-to-be-kidding moments, or as the kids are fond of texting: OMG.

“Gibbs: Auction Atwood Lodge, don’t demolish it.”

U.S. Rep. Bob Gibbs is a Johnny-come-lately to the intense debate over the future of Atwood Lake Lodge and Conference Center.

When we last visited the subject a couple of weeks ago, the Muskingum Watershed Conservancy District board of trustees had just voted 3 to 2 to raze the structure, which was built in 1965 and which has been a traditional money-loser. The 104-room resort, now dated and in need of a massive makeover, has a 30 percent occupancy rate – horrible – and loses about $1 million a year.

The lodge has been for sale for more than a year, and the MWCD entertained and investigated a variety of proposals, none of which have panned out.

So, how does one go about auctioning off a lodge sitting on conservancy property, which is in need, according to the EPA, of a new water treatment system that would cost between $3 million and $4 million?

I’m assuming Gibbs wants his winning bidder to maintain the lodge as a lodge and not turn it into a warehouse, brothel, strip club or whatever. So, after the MWCD would spend hours writing prohibitions into the auction terms, including a clause that would hold the district harmless from incurred debt, we’d be back to Square One: the business model.

The issue has never been about the MWCD’s asking price. It’s always been about the business model. If Intercontinental Hotel Group or Hilton Worldwide offered to take over the lodge, improve it and cover all future incurred debt, I’m sure the MWCD would turn over the property for a nominal amount of money, say $1 a year, for the life of a lease.

But the fact remains that the culture has evolved. Families’ vacation preferences have changed. Businesses are holding far fewer off-site conferences at venues such as Atwood in the wake of the recession and the preferred destination for visitors to this part of the state has moved west to Amish Country.

Lodges at state parks similar to Atwood are hurting financially as well. Only the Lodge and Conference Center at Geneva State Park, built in 2004 for $24 million, is doing well, but part of the reason is that it carries no debt on the books. Ashtabula County issued bonds to fund the lodge and actually owns it. The cost to Ashtabula County taxpayers: $1.8 million per year (which may be worth it if it generates as much or more than that in tourism-related revenue).

Despite the reality of the situation, many people can’t let go of Atwood Lodge especially in Carroll County, which has benefited from the jobs and tax revenue it has created. And in the wake of the announcement that the MWCD planned to raze the structure, people have inundated the district with e-mails and phone calls – many of them nasty or threatening – as if the district was putting down a beloved pet.

Gibbs, meanwhile, might have been successful in his bid to at least delay demolition. One of the trustees who voted for razing the lodge – Richard J. Pryce – is a prominent Stark County Republican. And, of course, Gibbs is a Republican lawmaker, who carries at least some weight in party circles. Hmm. Could a stay of execution be in the offing?

We also hear that the MWCD is close to making a deal on the 18-hole golf course that is attached to the lodge property. That would be some good news for the folks in Carroll County, who believe they’ve been sucker-punched by the closure of the lodge and surrounding amenities.

But I am not optimistic about prospects for the lodge. I proposed a what-if situation for a friend of mine in the commercial banking business.

“What if I was interested in operating the lodge and figured I’d need about $20 million to bring the property up to snuff and had a reasonable business model that promised success?” I asked him. “Would you give me a loan?”

“Yeah, with an 80 percent down payment,” he replied with a smile. And therein lies the problem. He wasn’t kidding.

Dick Farrell is a contributor to the Bargain Hunter. You can access this column at www.gpubs.com. You can read his blog at http://dickfarrell.blogspot.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).

Atwood Resort will not be torn down; alternatives being sought

The following is the official MWCD news release written by Darrin Laughtenschleger:

Atwood Lake Resort and Conference Center will not be scheduled for demolition at this time.

Instead, the resort is being offered for free to any willing government agency and if there are no takers, it then will be offered for sale and put on the auction block before any action is taken to demolish the closed Carroll County facility.

Before an overflow crowd that implored them to reconsider their action of June 30 to tear down the 104-room hotel and meeting center, members of the Muskingum Watershed Conservancy District (MWCD) Board of Directors agreed Friday (July 22) to further efforts to revive the resort. Many members of the audience attending the Board’s monthly meeting in the Dellroy Community Center told Board members that a change in ownership could lead to a successful operation at the lodge, which lost more than $1 million in each of the past two years and has suffered from declining occupancy.

MWCD officials said they would contact numerous agencies – including Carroll County Commissioners, Kent State University at Tuscarawas and the Ohio Department of Natural Resources – and prepare a letter to formally detail the offer to donate the resort to another government agency. John M. Hoopingarner, MWCD executive director/secretary, said that a complete list of potential contacts will be developed as soon as possible.

The Board also agreed that if a new owner is not found, it will advertise the lodge for sale and if there is no buyer, arrange an auction of the facility. If there is no successful bidder at auction, the building then could be demolished and the MWCD will turn to development of new recreational facilities at the property.

More than 30 people in the crowd estimated at about 170 people spoke for nearly three hours to Board members during the meeting held only a couple of miles away from the resort. State Rep. Mark Okey of Carroll County and Carroll County Commissioner Thomas Wheaton were among those who requested that the Board reconsider its action to tear down the resort. Okey and Wheaton also mentioned that several state legislators sent a letter Thursday to the MWCD that requested that the Board reverse its earlier decision to raze the lodge.

Following the public comments, Board member David A. Parham of Carroll County introduced the motion that was then unanimously approved to suspend any plans to demolish the lodge and to seek the other potential alternatives.

“We saw the passion of the community in the Atwood region for Atwood Lake Resort,” said John M. Hoopingarner, MWCD executive director/secretary. “The Board of Directors took action today that will provide the community with an opportunity to potentially arrange for a new future direction for the resort.”

Board members have stressed that because of the historical financial losses suffered by the operation of the resort since its opening in 1965, the MWCD will not provide any funding to assist in future operations by any new owner(s).

In a 3-2 vote last month, the Board approved the demolition of the 46-year-old main lodge building and golf course pro shop, and directed the MWCD staff to focus on the development of the future recreational use of the 500-acre property. Board members William P. Boyle Jr. of Richland County, Richard J. Pryce of Stark County and Steve Kokovich of Muskingum County voted in favor of razing the buildings and developing a plan for renewed recreation use of the resort property, while board members Harry C. Horstman of Harrison County and Parham voted against the proposal.

Atwood Lake Resort, commonly referred to as “Atwood Lodge,” closed last October and has suffered from increasing deficits that exceeded $1 million in each of the past two years. Historically, the resort has not been a source of revenues for the MWCD, losing an average of more than $159,000 per year since it opened in 1965.

Occupancy rates and use of the resort’s guest and conference rooms had decreased sharply in recent years, while utility and maintenance costs for the main structure had increased. MWCD officials also said the increasing losses have hampered the conservancy district’s ability to address basic maintenance, infrastructure and customer requests at its other recreational operations at Leesville, Tappan, Clendening, Piedmont, Seneca, Wills Creek, Charles Mill, Pleasant Hill, Beach City and Atwood lakes, including its parks, campgrounds, cottage areas and marinas.

The conservancy district is spending more than $60,000 per month in utilities, insurance, taxes, general maintenance and security for the idle property, in addition to staff time. Sewer costs alone currently are $10,500 per month.

Atwood Lake Park, which is operated by the MWCD, and the two marinas located on Atwood Lake (Atwood Lake Boats Marina East and Atwood Lake Boats Marina West) remain open for business as usual.

Since the closing of Atwood Lake Resort, the MWCD Board of Directors, administration and staff of the MWCD have sought alternatives to its potential continued operation as a resort complex, including discussions with Kent State University at Tuscarawas and a resort operator who focuses on renewing financially failing properties. Kent State University at Tuscarawas continuously expressed its interest in being a part of any solution, including a possible partnership with the MWCD.

The MWCD Board of Directors announced in 2009 that one of its top goals was to divest the MWCD of the resort. Conservancy district officials spent all of 2009 and 2010 seeking alternative uses and owners for the property. The MWCD hosted a meeting for key stakeholders in the region in March 2010 at the resort to discuss the situation and participated in other public meetings throughout the year to obtain input.

The lodge is located off Rt. 542 between Sherrodsville and Dellroy in Carroll County and when it was fully operational, included the 104-room main hotel, dining room and conference center, two golf courses (an 18-hole regulation course and a lighted, nine-hole, par-3 course), 17 vacation cabins and indoor and outdoor swimming pools, along with other amenities.

The MWCD, a political subdivision of the state, was organized in 1933 to develop and implement a plan to reduce flooding and conserve water for beneficial public uses in the Muskingum River Watershed, the largest wholly contained watershed in Ohio. Since their construction, the 16 reservoirs and dams in the MWCD region have been credited for saving nearly $10 billion worth of potential property damage from flooding, according to the federal government, as well as providing popular recreational opportunities that bolster the region’s economy. A significant portion of the reservoirs are managed by the MWCD and the dams are managed for flood-risk management by the federal U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE).

For more information about the MWCD, visit www.mwcd.org and on Facebook.

The cable guy is here (God help us)

This originally was published in the Tuscarawas and Holmes counties Bargain Hunter publications on July 15, 2011.


I don’t necessarily consider “The Simpsons” must-watch TV, but I do remember an episode that featured Homer trying to buy a handgun.

Homer went into the gun store, picked out a firearm, agreed to the price and offered to pay for it so he could take it home. The clerk told Homer that there was a government-imposed cooling-off period of three days before Homer could actually take possession of the gun.

“BUT I’M MAD NOW!” Homer screamed at the clerk.

I felt that way last Monday.

Monday is the day I reserve for writing these pieces for the Bargain Hunter and my plan last Monday was to knock this out before noon and get on with other chores. But it was not to be because dumb-old-me scheduled a house call from the cable guy, figuring that he’d be in and out in no time because after all I was just having trouble with a set-top box.

(That’s what the cable TV guys call the device that you need to get the good channels even though the box cannot set atop today’s TVs. They ought to be called set-next-to boxes or something like that. OK, I’m off subject…)

Anyway, this set-top box problem became larger than life because there were too many wires coming in the house and some weren’t configured correctly and signal strength was an issue and blah, blah, blah.

I had to travel through the house turning on sets in various rooms to make sure everything was working properly. In other words, the cable guy’s visit became very labor intensive and not conducive to me doing any kind of writing.

Then the cable guy – bless his heart – said he had orders from cable headquarters to “change out” my Internet modem.

“Why?” I asked. “It works fine.”

“Because it’s old,” said the cable guy.

Well, it was old – 2004. Yikes.

(Sidebar: If you’ve ever owned any device from Apple, you know that a span of seven years in technology life is akin to decrepit and elderly. Anyone out there own a 7-year-old iPod? No one? I thought so.)

So the cable guy installed a new cable modem, made a phone call and read some code to whomever was on the other end – maybe some sort of wizard – and pronounced the job complete. And because most of my morning was tied up, I moved the task of writing this piece to the early afternoon.

Alas, it was not to be.

Not long after the cable guy drove off, I discovered that my new modem didn’t work. And the thing about modems is that they either work, or don’t work. And if they don’t work, I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE INTERNET!

It truly was a Homer Simpson moment.

You see, in the old days, I used files from the newspaper’s library to check facts and acquire background. The Internet, of course, changed that process. Now when I write about a particular issue, I might have a half-dozen Internet pages ready in the background to provide me with important facts when I need them. You know, like how many rooms are in Atwood Lodge.

At approximately 11:30 on that fateful Monday morning, I made my first phone call to the certain cable TV company to inform the good people there that the new modem wasn’t working properly. The cable girl on the phone – I didn’t catch her name – felt my pain and said someone would certainly be in touch in an hour or two.

At approximately 4:15, after Dover’s lights came back on after a rather severe storm, I called the cable company again. This time Crystal the cable girl answered.

She felt my pain, too, but she couldn’t get anyone there until late Tuesday.

“Late Tuesday?” I asked.

“I need the Internet now! My life depends on it!”

I’m sure I sounded like Homer Simpson.

Crystal promised me that someone would be in touch in a couple of hours and would put me on the “roll back” list, which presumably is a really special list of customers who are close to having mental health breakdowns if they don’t get service quickly.

When I hung up after talking to Crystal I realized that I might have to write a column without my safety net. And I knew that it was unlikely the cable company would call back. It didn’t.

So, this week I offer you a naked, no-Internet commentary -- a life experience so to speak, and one that needed no research.  And hopefully it underscores the disappearing act called customer service.

Homer Simpson would understand.

Dick Farrell is a contributor to the Bargain Hunter. You can access this column at www.gpubs.com. You can read his blog at http://dickfarrell.blogspot.com or follow him on Facebook and Twitter (dfarrell_dover).